Return of your favorite blogger - ME!

Dear fans and lovers

I know that you will have been anxious after my whereabouts and praying for my healthyness. Thank you all for your loving concerns. Well, I have to admit that I got into a spot of bother on my way to the Asshole Greaser's Conference. I was arrested for being a scumbag 419 scammer by the policemens and thrown into a jail cell for the past month.

I am currently standing up while writing this blog as my bunghole is still somewhat tender from the considerable attention it received from the whoppdy-dos of my cellmates the whole month long.

I am so sad that I missed the asshole greasing conference but i cannot grease my asshole with any comfort at the moments.

My dirty daddy has purchased a new goat and named it Lulubelle. He keeps it in the bedroom and has made a crown of flowers to put on it's head.

I have heard from Arthur the Wonderful. He has had several underwear mishaps involving whitegoods. His latest trouble involved the dishwasher. I am so sorry for Arthur who I really really want to marry.

I have also heard from that awful Joe Warren at moneygram79@yahoo.com who is moaning about not getting any emails from friendly peoples. He sits in the corner and counts his farts, please email him and ask him about what his mother does with pigs.

Until next time my lovely friends
Your hero, Christopher Kabila.

I am ASHAMED!

It hurts me to admit that I am a failure. I have been humbled by the chupacabra, which has outwitted my attempts to capture it. I gave up today after spending the last four days disguised as a seven foot tall banana.

In all four of my dirty daddy's goats were eaten by the nasty chupacabra, including Didymus, one of his most intelligent goats which could sing the national anthem and balance a ball on it's head.

Now it has been solved, the remaining goats are in my dirty daddy's bedroom and my ugly momma is in the goat shed. The night she moved in the chupacbra appeared, saw her uncovered face and flew off screaming into the night and has not returned. It is probably all the way back to Puerto Rico by now. Serves it right!!

As for me, I am all agog at the nearness of the Asshole Greasing Get Together. I am going to get many wonderful tips of good asshole greasing, and become a better asshole greaser.

Arthur the Wonderful has told me that he has a new kettle which is very shiny. I wonder if he is into reflector porn? I have a nice photo of my dirty daddy flopping out his wrinkly do-diddy in the reflection on a little girl's bicycle bell. Oooh, he did get in trouble with the momma of that little girl! She whipped his ass bigtime. He ain't done that show and tell again!

Plus I want to say Hi to Joe Warren at moneygram79@yahoo.com because thickheads like him need all the love they can get. He is very retarded. A bad case.

Conference on Asshole Greasing

I am very ecstaticised by the hope of attending the World Conference on Asshole Greasing in Cotonou in September! I am very hopeful that Arthur the Wonderful will attend and I can inspect his well-greased asshole at this tumultuous event!

I will have to keep up my internet scamming to raise the necessary funds. Oh how I wish that I had the modalities to get some cash from a trunk at a security company. My tough fucking luck!

However I shall not require the money to pay for a lobotomy as the surgeon could not locate my brain. I am so relieved that I do not no longer need this operation.

Who is the Springfield Pervert? He says things like my dirty daddy says. He looks like a very sexy man and it turns me on to hear his dirty nookie talk. Ooohh yeah!

I will now hop off and grease my asshole.

At Home With My Family

I am having a lazy day at home with my family.
We have heard from Felicia, she is having a terrible time in Sao Paulo. She is in the slums, and it is full of druggies, scammers and Rush Limbaugh fans. She has met the co-star of her film,and taken him for a walk.
She says she will be glad to get home and back to her usual street-walking.

My ugly momma is still very ugly.

My dirty daddy is out back with a pretty goat and a bottle of Dom Perignon bubbly booze. He is getting the goat drunk so that he can do his dirty thing.

My retarded brother is stuck in the linen cupboard, where he has been for the past two days.

I am eating cheese and greasing my asshole and dreaming of Arthur the Wonderful. Life is beautiful.

Two children next door died of typhus this morning and my old granny fell off the roof while trying to hit aeroplanes with her broom. It is nice cheese I am nibbling. tastes a bit like Felicia's underwear.

Family News

For all those many, many peoples who were asking - Margie and Ragnar,
My dirty daddy is just fine. Arthur the Wonderful has promised my dirty daddy 20 virgin goats dowry if he allows him to wed my slutty sister, Felicia.

My dirty daddy has been bouncin' off the walls with excitement at the thought of all those sweet, virginal goats.



I wish Arthur the Wonderful would marry me. he has a very big dick and I am a terrible size-queen. I cannot go past the stables without admiring the big horsey dicks. Arthur's is almost as big as that!

As for my ugly momma she is even uglier than before as another huge hairy wart has grown on her bulbous, pimply nose. I vomited into my dinner last night when she chucked it at me from the kitchen. So I swapped it for my retarded brothers while he was busy drawing a picture of Ronald Reagan's doormat.

Well, I must go and spread the doctrine of asshole greasing throughout the land. Soon I shall tell you all about my horrid ex-lover and pimp, John Gezi. He is a vile man. Damn you Gezi, damn you to Hades!

What nice emails you send me- send more

Hello my lovely fans! I send you all a big wet sloppy kiss and wish you all well-greased assholes for eternity!

I love your emails, keep them coming! Except for you foooolish scammers who have been calling me wicked names like Stinkybum and Goat-fuckers son and son of a goat-fucker and Goober Ears. I do not like these instituations!

I have found the Lord, through the evangelism of the most pious Reverend Cheeseprong of Saint Littleboys Church of the Immaculate Touch , and my seat in heaven is assured for my well-greased asshole. So when you all screaming in the Satan's piss-pot of hell being poked in tender regions by demons with pointy pitchforks don't blub to me about it you 419 foools. Repent now! And grease your assholes in submission to the will of the Almighty.

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!

Asshole Greasing

I have been asked by many, many interested persons about asshole greasing. So I told him, my bestest buddy on the internets of all time, Arthur the Wonderful, introduced me to this marvelous personal habit.

I now regularly grease my own asshole, and the assholes of my family and friends, and anyone else I can pin down, with either lard, butter or my own spittle.

Now, some people believe we are a cult because we wear magenta robes with the seat of the trousers cut out, gather under a full moon, paint our faces with ash and butter and inspect each others assholes and chant until dawn once a month, but we are not some bunch of wackos. This is all beneficial for the rectum and the nerves.

Not one of our members has died EVER of the terrible disease of xeroanus (itchy dry asshole).

I hope one day to become Grand Rectumartus of the Asshole Greasers Society and be invested with the silver paper sash, gilded toilet brush and platinum ballcock of office.

For full instructions on the proper greasing of the asshole write to me at christopherkabila@ymail.com.

And for you animal lovers out there my dirty daddy says goats love to have their assholes greased as well. I cannot say the same for my tom cat, Mugu, who scratched the fucking bejesus out of me when i tried to improve his dumb feline life. Ungrateful fucking cat!