Asshole Greasing

I have been asked by many, many interested persons about asshole greasing. So I told him, my bestest buddy on the internets of all time, Arthur the Wonderful, introduced me to this marvelous personal habit.

I now regularly grease my own asshole, and the assholes of my family and friends, and anyone else I can pin down, with either lard, butter or my own spittle.

Now, some people believe we are a cult because we wear magenta robes with the seat of the trousers cut out, gather under a full moon, paint our faces with ash and butter and inspect each others assholes and chant until dawn once a month, but we are not some bunch of wackos. This is all beneficial for the rectum and the nerves.

Not one of our members has died EVER of the terrible disease of xeroanus (itchy dry asshole).

I hope one day to become Grand Rectumartus of the Asshole Greasers Society and be invested with the silver paper sash, gilded toilet brush and platinum ballcock of office.

For full instructions on the proper greasing of the asshole write to me at christopherkabila@ymail.com.

And for you animal lovers out there my dirty daddy says goats love to have their assholes greased as well. I cannot say the same for my tom cat, Mugu, who scratched the fucking bejesus out of me when i tried to improve his dumb feline life. Ungrateful fucking cat!